Grandpa Eldon Harward

Dad called me today and cheered me up. I really needed it since it was cloudy and rainy today - I have a hard time managing when it's not sunshiny out. He told me about his dad who was a sheep shearer (and coal miner.) He said Grandpa Eldon Harward was allergic to the sheep's wool and that his hands and arms would get covered with sores during shearing time. The sores would bleed and look horrible. Dad said to blame him for my rash/skin woes. When I told him it wasn't on my palms (though my fingers are now peeling), he said that Grandpa's never got on his palms, either. So, I inherited this great miracle skin on my palms. I'll be sure to thank him for the mixed blessing when I get to Heaven!

Ready? Set! Go Home...

Lorna graciously took me to chemo today. I even convinced her to stop by weight watchers first! I had her drop me off at the cancer center since I go an hour early for the blood tests. The nurses were fascinated by the nasty appearance of my hands. I put the Biafine cream on them so that they wouldn't look like I have leprosy. It didn't fool Dr. Chanal. He decided against giving the treatment today. He says my hands need another week to heal.

I was disappointed. Adding a week to my treatment is NOT in my plans! Lorna picked me up and took me home and comforted me while I bawled. I sure am weepy lately. It doesn't help that the steroids I took yesterday kept me up until 4:30am. I was so wired that the Valerian Root didn't work nor my Restless Leg Syndrome medication. I guess it's good that I won't have to take that today & tomorrow.

Another blessing that Lorna mentioned is that this rash/leprosy stuff didn't go to the palms of my hands. Dr. Chanal kept asking and was surprised that it hadn't. Just under my finger tips. I guess that I would really be miserable if it had!

PPE

This rash or "Palmar Plantar Erythrodysesthesia" of mine (PPE - it sounds like a Church committee of some sort, doesn't it?) happens when the chemo drug Taxotere leaks out of my blood vessels into my hands and feet. I put an expensive cream on it called Biafine 3 times a day. Since it's very itchy, the nurses said I could take Benadryl or put hydrocortisone on it, too. I've also been putting my hands on ice packs to relieve some of the pain. (Rinsing them in cool water feels great!) Yesterday the skin started peeling off of them - they look scary.

Taxotere also causes fingernails to warp or fall off. So far mine are just sore. I cut them short-short just in case. And my tongue is white. Nurse Gloria said it probably isn't Thrush, but it makes everything taste funny. (Doesn't keep me from eating, though.) I wonder what will happen with Taxotere #2 on Tuesday...

It's hard to feel bad about the chemo treatments, though, when I think of a gal at church whose husband died two weeks ago and left her with 3 little ones. I pray for her several times a day, wishing there was some way I could help take away her pain. I'm doing better after being weepy for two weeks (since Mom and Dad left.)

Did I mention that chemo has done at least one GREAT thing for me? (Besides losing 5 lbs last week.) The psoriasis that covered my legs is GONE! I just noticed this week. Yea!

I've seen some blond hairy things on top of my head, too. Is it new hair growing? Maybe it's just lint that's snagged on my sandpapery scalp. Time will tell.
P.S. Anyone want some ripe nectarines? I still have an entire tree full and I can't personally eat all of them myself... though I've been trying!

Rashes and such

I got the rash-stuff that I was supposed to watch for with Taxotere. It's on my hands. My hands often ache, too, which isn't fun. I stopped by the cancer center (we were close by for the kids' appointment) and raced in to show nurse Gloria. She took me aside and checked my vitals, etc. since I've lost 5 lbs this weekend due to the diarrhea. They got photos of my hands and said they would call in a prescription for this particular rash and that it would probably get worse before it gets better.

I got some awards with weight watchers today for my newest weight loss. I guess there are SOME good things that come of all this! (But I made it clear to them how and why I had lost the weight!)

I've been waffling back and forth about whether to go back to school (work) when it starts on the 26th or wait until chemo is over at the middle of September. I don't have as much strength as I used to. (Even my purse - the great U-Haul - that I lug around is too heavy for me anymore!) I checked with the school human resources person who does family medical leave. She was so wonderful. (She's new this year. Told me that two of her sisters have or are doing chemo.) We figured out that I should plan to come back to school the end of September. And even that is negotiable. It will be an "extra" month off, and I'll have to pay for the health insurance out of pocket, but I feel better now knowing what to plan for.

Taste Buds

My taste buds seem to have been obliterated by this last chemo. I can only taste "salty". My nectarines are finally "on" and they don't taste the same!

I got nauseated yesterday - day #3 seems to be the ominous day for chemotherapy. But, we managed, between Heather, Kyle and I, to shop some specials at Albertsons. I kept a barf bag handy and let them do all the "work." We saved $230 on our shopping spree!

Another reaction to this new chemo has emerged: aches and pains - like you get with the flu. Ouch! Ouch! Ouch! And diarrhea. And, I'm still weepy, which is annoying. I took a call from the new LifeSkills teacher at Kamiakin and ended up breaking down. I'm sure the poor guy wishes he hadn't made THAT phone call!

I've been discombobulated!

Mom and Dad left yesterday after my 5th treatment. It's thrown me for a loop! I've had numerous "cries" today. Talked with Mom on the phone a few times. Kept myself busy sorting papers and stuff and doing laundry. Lorna called. So did my cousin Connie from Los Angeles. Twice. I'm getting cared for.

It's probably because I feel so much better after this treatment than the four previous ones that I even have the ability to feel discombobulated! These last four treatments will be Taxotere. I was so worried about starting the new chemo that I made myself sick on Sunday and Monday. I felt worse then than I do now.

I have to take steroids with the Taxotere instead of one of my nausea meds. (And I'm only having to take Kytril - because I'm supposed to - so I'm not so drowsy.) The steroids combat the fluid that builds up around the heart and lungs with this form of chemo. Dr. Chenal cut the steroids in half because of my diabetes. Still, my blood glucose readings ranged from 440 - 560 - 400's (most of the day yesterday) and ended in the 300's. By 1am I adjusted my pump settings and voila! I woke to a reading of 117. It's been normal the rest of today.

I just need to get used to these crying spells. I know it will take me a few weeks (as it does every time I've had surgery and had Mom to baby me!)

Diabetes & Chemotherapy: Co-Morbidities

Back in June when I began chemo I did an internet search on "Diabetes and Chemotherapy." With all that is out there on the web, I was dismayed to discover only a handful of hits and only one article of substance. The article called the situation "Co-morbidities" and discussed neuropathy (pain in the feet & legs.) Some diabetics get this after having diabetes for years. The article said that chemotherapy can cause this to occur as well. That sums up all that the entire world has published on the subject.

The Diabetes Learning Center had little more to offer. They are aware that the steroids given as part of the chemo throw a diabetic's control helter skelter. With their help, I've been testing my blood sugars every two hours. During the first 8-9 days after a chemo treatment, I also adjust my insulin to carbohydrates ratios. I take almost twice as much insulin with meals/snacks as I usually do. I switch the ratios on my pump back when I start getting low blood sugars, which occur about day nine.

I've been putting the data from my pump into a program. It shows charts and keeps track of how things are going. It looks pretty fancy. There really needs to be a handbook out there for us, though. Surely I'm not the only diabetic (Type I-Juvenile Diabetes) going through chemo. Or am I??? It would include things like how to eat prunes and roughage between episodes of nausea and how much insulin to give for each one. (They're about 5 carbs a piece, but make sure it stays down before administering insulin.) How long to wait for the food to stay down before giving insulin. How to do finger prick tests in your sleep and doing them without gagging at the sight of blood. Knowing if you're racing to the restroom because your blood sugars are high or because you have a urinary tract infection (again.)

Other notes I'd make in general:
*you will lose your hair on your head, maybe not anywhere else.
*You will be nauseous and even throw up a lot, but you will gain weight due to the steroids.
*Take your anti-nausea pills EVERY day, even when you feel great.
*You will be cranky, so go live on a desert island away from all annoying persons.
*Your hair actually cooled your head off way back when, now that it's gone, your scalp will be hot and it will cause anything that it lays on to get hot, too.
*Don't believe it when others say you don't have to shave your legs for the duration of chemo... (I shave the quills off every other day.)
*Acquire a collection of light, preferably funny, movies and books - you'll need these for those sleepless nights (unless you're taking the anti-nausea drugs that knock you out, you will NOT be able to sleep)

Beep beep beep - my pump says it's time to check my blood sugars again. Of course, it's 1:27 am, so what else would I be doing?

Just found this!

My computer was hiding these photos, but I finally found them. This is Tracy and Me at my second chemo treatment way back when. She was so good to come and sit with me. I absolutely have the best friends ever!

Apricot Jam anyone?

Today, Mom, Dad and I attacked the apricots - from my neighbor - with a vengeance. We've got some dehydrating and the rest (6 batches) were made into apricot-pineapple jam. What a lot of work! This morning, we also got two of the kids off on a pioneer re-enactment trek for four days (yea!) It took us all yesterday to get them ready. Well, it took so long because I have so little energy. (And Mom had to put a new zipper in Jacob's sleeping bag which turned out to be a sewing nightmare lasting til midnight. And we won't even go into Taija's pioneer-woman costume!!)

I felt bad yesterday - the neighbor cat pounced on a baby robin in our yard and the entire robin clan chased it. We got in on it, too. But the cat came back! She returned several more times and finished her deed while we were at dinner. The poor robins sat on the branches of our weeping birch chirping their sad story until late. I was sad, too, because I just found out that my lifeskills classroom teacher at Kamiakin is leaving. I just adore her and her way with the kids. I worry what I will return to when I finish chemo at the end of September. Another loss is my brother and sister-in-law and their four kids who moved to Wyoming today. And, the kids' doctor (ADHD specialist) is retiring next month. And, Mom and Dad are returning to Utah next Wednesday. What am I to do? I'm savoring every waking minute with Mom and Dad. I've loved having them here. We're sending them home with apricot jam for everyone... (is that kind of like leaving zucchinis on someone's porch??)

Sick today

I woke up this morning and realized right away that something wasn't right. I've got a raging Urinary Tract Infection. Never had one like this before. I got some good antibiotics and something else for the "discomfort." Heather got me some cranberry juice, too.

Mom and Dad are planning to return to Utah August 6th. Mom's bum knee needs to be checked out. It's been terribly painful for her the past week. I will really miss them. I love their cheery "Good Morning!" first thing in the morning and their love and care throughout the day!

Chemo#4

Yesterday I finally got my 4th chemo. It went pretty well, considering all we had to do to get it. I was also told the results of my MRI (on my head due to headaches.) She said there was no cancer, but there is swelling of the cerebral spinal fluid (which could indicate a rare disease, but I don't think it is. Mom insists that I check with my family doctor next time I'm in.) I guess that would cause the headaches - or maybe it's that all 3 anti-nausea meds list headaches as a side effect!

The routine that should have taken place for yesterday's Chemo: An hour before chemo, you have to go and get blood-work done to make sure you're healthy enough to get chemo. Then you have a doctor's visit wherein the doctor or his assistant checks you over. If all is good, you have chemo in a large room with curtain dividers. You can now take the first anti-nausea pill (the 3 pills cost $450 - unless you have good insurance, which I do.) They start the IVs going into my port with saline, Kytril (anti nausea) and throw in some steroids. Next is the red adriamycin which is a very toxic drug that can damage your heart. Afterwards is the clear Cytoxan. This one takes an hour to dispense. When they're through, I get more saline and herceptin (blood thinner). That was the last time I have to do that routine. For visits #5-8, I will get Taxotere, another drug. I have to have steroids with it (day before, day of and day after) which will do a number on my diabetes.

What happened yesterday: Before chemo, I woke and found my blood sugars were in the 500's (normal is 80-120). I gave me a ton of insulin but it didn't work. I changed my pump site and discovered that the canula leading into my body had gotten twisted. No wonder nothing worked. With the new pump site, I gave me more insulin. Blood sugars went higher! After the next try, the insulin did its thing. But, it still was in the 400's for the doctor's lab report.

I told the doctor's assistant about my chest pains and headaches. Shouldn't have said ANYTHING. She wanted to make sure everything was okay, so before chemo I got to go across the street to a radiation place where they checked my port with a dye test. It worked great, but the equipment they hooked up to my IV wouldn't come off and the doctor spent 15 minutes using various tools to pry it off.

Mom and Dad then took me to Kadlec in Richland to get the EKG for my heart (chest pains). That took us forever because the papers requesting the EKG had inadvertantly requested an Echocardiogram and they were booked for the day in that area. After an hour or so, the receptionist got that mess straightened up, I got the EKG and went back to the Cancer Center to get the chemo. I didn't get out until 4pm - though I had started the day at 8:45!

I'm sleepy due to the anti-nausea meds. But am doing well otherwise. We went to weight watchers this morning. I've gained 2 pounds in the past 3 weeks. Decided it must be the steroids I'm on. (But, I've lost over 25 lbs since Christmas!) Then we detoured to Value Village and bought Kyle some shorts and levis (it's his 12th birthday today!) Got some things for Stephen at Target (and smaller pants for me!!!) and mailed him a package. Got home and there was a message from the Cancer Center. Instructions on taking the steroids for next treatment and information about the EKG - fine except for an insignificant finding of "Right Bundle Branch Block" (try to say THAT 10 times in a row!) This block is insignificant (I looked it up on the internet - indicates damage to the heart possibly from previous heart attack) and was actually discovered before my surgery when I had my first EKG in May. So, that's me so far this week!

Don't you love it!

Ta Da! Look what Mom and Dad finished last week at our house - shelves in the garage to store all our STUFF!!! It's like a miracle happened! THANK YOU MOM AND DAD!



BEFORE AND AFTERWARDS!

I tried helping Tuesday this week to put things on shelves, but my body said, "NO!" and began "throwing up." I just can't push myself like I used to. It's as if the chemo dictates: You have X amount of energy - and that's exactly, to the letter, all I can get from myself. Heather wanted me to save today's energy for her. She was going to the movies with her friends. I tried, but by 3pm I had to take a nap and then I just couldn't get it together to go out. Sigh....

Since you asked...

A lot of you have asked how I am. "Well, I'm pretty good." That's my pat answer. Nice and simple. Cuz no one REALLY wants to know the monologue that runs through my head:

Good news:
*Made it to church today
*Stephen is surviving boot camp - had a rough week, but they didn't put him in the brig - this time
*I still have eyebrows

Grumblings: (STOP! This is the part NO ONE wants to hear, but it's my reality lately)
*The metal taste in my mouth affects everything I eat...

*My toes are always COLD. The rest of me can't decide and fluctuates back and forth between hot and cold - sometimes I'm both at the same time.

*My skin is DRY - lotion fragrances (even unscented) leave me nauseous

*My sandpapery head feels weird and it sticks to my pillow cases (I'm sprouting porcupine quills up there!)

*One or all of my medications give me headaches, eye aches, chest aches, "the willies" (Restless Leg Syndrome) and "the jitteries" (Restless Whole-body Syndrome)

*And Lastly and most grossly: having gas and constipation as a side-effect of every single one of my medications means I get to down prunes, milk of magnesia, etc. while I'm nauseated (Yes, the alternative - Senokot - sends me into spasms of cramps which in turn leads to explosions from both ends)

Well, you asked how I was.... and now you know.

Garage Sale Anyone?

Mom and Dad are building shelves in the garage right now. (You know how we Mormons have all these buckets of wheat, beans, rice and potato pearls stocked up!) It's looking super so far. The kids were a tremendous help and threw - literally - all the garage contents all over the front lawn. Can't beat help like that. People have stopped by asking if we're holding a yard sale... We should have told them, "yes! Please help yourselves..." It's actually embarrassing to see all the junk, I mean stuff, we've accumulated. Hopefully, not all of it will make its way back into the garage.

I'm still practicing not puking this morning. I've managed to get down some toast and watermelon. I've dreamed of tapioca pudding... enchiladas... funny how I can crave things and be nauseated at the same time.

I also walked around the block this morning. Sometimes I can make it around twice, but if I get too tired, I get more nauseated.

And P.S. The MRI went well yesterday, I clutched my barf bag the entire time and luckily didn't need to use it. If I didn't have headaches before, I surely do now with all the noise that exam produced!!!

Chemo #3

I am 3/8ths of the way through chemo. Yea! The side effects are headaches, constipation, metal taste in my mouth, nausea - of course, my hair loss, high blood sugars, heartburn... I am getting an MRI on my head this morning due to the headaches. The doctor wants to be sure it's not something else. Of course, that sets my mind to wondering..... I won't know the results until my next chemo/doctor appointment in two weeks. I'll practice assuming it's the medications - actually, a known side effect of all 3 anti-nausea meds.

I take my anti-nausea medications to my chemo appointments. This time I thought I would be so clever and put everything in my purse... To keep from looking like a bag lady with several bags in tow. The problem with that was that everything kept falling out. I lost my Emend ($450)and Phenergen (not $450) both anti-nausea meds, a ball of yarn and crochet hook and my blood glucose monitor... I didn't realize this until they asked me to go ahead and take the Emend. (They wait until after the lab report and the checkup shows that I'm healthy enough to get the chemo before starting the anti-Nausea medications.) Horrors. My purse had coughed up its contents and they were nowhere to be found.

Mom had dropped me off, so I called her and she found the Emend and glucose monitor under the seat of the car. The other two items are still missing. I was upset and crying over the Emend (and just being in the cancer center now sets off my nausea!) so nurse Gloria gave me medication to calm me down. It put me out and I woke after it was all over. Phew! (Gloria made sure that Mom - not me - had the Neulasta shot ($2,000) to take home. I take it 24 hours after the chemo to build up my white blood cell counts.)

Mom and Dad have taken on the goliath task of building shelving units for our garage. I can't believe it! They got the sheetrock up yesterday. Wow!!!

Our 4th of July

Breast Cancer isn’t for Boobs! My friend Carol in Colorado told me this phrase – she, her sister and her cousin are all in various stages of treatment for breast cancer. While it is totally unfair and unthinkable that so many, so close would go through this awful predicament, it is also cheering when someone knows exactly what it means to be nauseated, tired, hairless and craving an oddball item of food all at the same time. She’s been a well of wisdom for me! So glad that her last treatment is next week (I’ll bet they sing “For She’s a Jolly Good Fellow” for her like they do for those here at the Tri Cities Cancer Center when they “graduate.”)

Our air conditioning gave out on the 3rd. It was hot all day. Very hot. I sweat an awfully lot now that I am bald. Mom and Dad took me out to Panda Express (where it was air conditioned!!!) … mmmmmm. Afterwards, we bought blocks of ice to put in front of our fans to help cool the house. Thankfully, we found a repairman to come out and fix the problem the next day – what a nice way for him to spend his 4th of July holiday…

On the 4th we went up to Dayton to spend time with the Rickords relatives. I was worried that my baldness might disturb the younger ones. Nope. Hannah and Lynae painted my head in red, white and blue! In turn, I painted stars on their cheeks. We were very patriotic! Later, the boys and I went to see the fireworks in Pasco. I love the colors, the noise and the WOW!

It's Gone...

It’s gone. After shedding heavily for a week, Heather shaved the rest of my hair off around 11:30pm Monday night. Just a bit of peach fuzz left. (Tues. pm: Max was gracious enough to take the electric razor to me... )


The dogs barked when I came in to go to bed! The cat ignored me. I look like the King of Siam in “The King and I”. Mom says that I was brave. Was I? Really tired of changing clothes and sweeping my bathroom floor maybe… My bed is full of hair. So is my laundry basket. Have some vacuuming to do....

The McFlurry is gone, too. Did you know that Oreo McFlurry’s turn purple in your stomach? I HAD to have one, though! Max took me out tonight to quell my doldrums… This makes it one more day of nausea than last treatment.


Have I changed much in 48 years???



-

Amazing!

You know what's Amazing? Considering all the buckets of hair I've lost (and that are floating around the house) there's still more on top of my head!

Amazing is also the word I thought of when we got a phone call from Stephen today who's at army boot camp at Ft. Benning, Georgia. It's AMAZING that he thought to call HOME in the first place. Caller ID notes that he tried to reach us 6 times while we were at church. I guess he forgot about the 3-hour time difference.

My parents looked like angels to me today. They came in dressed for church - Mom had a pretty white blouse on and Dad had on his white Sunday shirt. With his snow white hair, I thought of heaven! They were in the congregation, too, when I led the Sunday hymns this morning. I broke down and sobbed during the sacramental hymn: "I Stand All Amazed." There I stood hiding in my fluffy wig, inadequate in every way as the hymn's strains spoke the absolute truth:
"I stand all amazed at the love Jesus offers me,
Confused at the grace that so fully he proffers me.
I tremble to know that for me he was crucified,
That for me, a sinner, he suffered, he bled and died."
I am AMAZED that He loved me enough to atone for my sins. I know that He has prepared a way for me - for all of us - to return to live with Him again. My inconveniences are just temporary, but He'll help me through them. Amazing!

Whine....

Hair is still coming out. Lois said 2-3 weeks, Teresa said 2 weeks...that's how long they waited before shaving it all off! My hair (scalp) actually hurts - like when you've pulled it up into a tight pony tail and then after being up all day, letting it out... ouch! Ouch! Ouch! Lois also mentioned that chemo causes your memory to falter. That will be a good thing when it comes to some of these side effects.

I ordered some ST37 - an oral rinse that Mom discovered while living in Tooele, Utah. Lots of folks there use it for cankers, etc. My mouth is dry and mouth sores are due to attack soon, I know that will be on my list of forgettable side effects. I've started chewing gum to help my dry mouth, too, (so if you mistake me for a cow chewing its cud, you'll know what I'm up to.)

Losing Hair

June 24, 2008
My hair started falling out this morning. I was lounging around talking with Mom and reached up to brush some hair out of my face and instead came up with a handful of maybe 30. Each time I tugged, I got that many more. AAAAAGH. This wasn’t supposed to happen until the third treatment – and I just had the second one yesterday. I cried. Mom cried with me. My sister called and we all three cried!

I finally got up and dressed and we went to get my hair cut. It’s shorter – like a guy's. I sobbed through it all. Lisa, the hairdresser was so sweet! She comforted me. When it was all off, she suggested we add some color – PINK! I agreed. Then Heather wanted pink hair and even Mom got some pink. Mom and I just have a touch. I might go back to get more done, but I’m not sure how long there will be hair to color… it might all disappear this week.


Next we stopped at Fred Meyers and checked out the hats. I found two identical ones that I’m in love with. One is light beige, the other red. Heather calls them “newsies” hats. I guess I’ll wear them around when I don’t want to do the wig thing…




June 25th -
8:00pm I've only been awake a couple of hours today. We got some cherries at a place on tenth avenue. I love them, but only ate a few. Too much work. I'm too cold. Too sleepy. My hair hurts. I've been a bawl baby today. (Stephen called tonight. He's in Atlanta, GA on his way to Ft. Benning (sp?) He says it's hot. I'm NOT bawling about him being gone, in case you wondered. It's nice and quiet around here now. Biggest discussion going on is whose turn it is to read the last Stephanie Meyers book that Lorna lent us...)

Stress

I've read a lot about cancer lately. Many authors have expressed the notion that stress either causes or accelerates cancer growth. So, is it like Mr. Steed, my high school chemistry teacher, told us: "Living causes cancer"? Maybe it does, but stress is such a part of life! Good stress. Bad stress. Like, right now I have these stressors in my life:

1) Stephen is getting ready to leave for boot camp. His plane leaves Monday @6:30pm
2) Max's back is hurting him from laying carpet for the last couple of nights - after working all day
3) We are short a vehicle since Stephen wrecked our Taurus last week - Max is planning to look into assessing the damage tomorrow (Saturday)
4) Our vacuum died this week (Max is going to fix the cord on that tomorrow, too)
5) "Hunter" doggy got neutered 2 days ago (Taija's doggy, "Girlfriend," was spayed a couple months ago) but they're still cavorting around and as Mom Harward put it, "putting on an x-rated show for us all day long" (Maybe the vet didn't do the job right? Maybe it takes a few weeks to tone down the hormones?)
6) The vet's prognoses on our kitty Monday: fleas. So we had to treat her and the dogs and wash and sanitize every surface and every stitch of bedding in the house, etc. etc. etc. etc.
7) Our septic system is misbehaving - again - and probably needs replacing soon (do you think we could shower at the playground's water park?)
8) My (Type I) diabetes is really messed up big time with chemo - BG #'s topping at 300's - 500's and...
9) chemo therapy #2 (who has time for this?) is Monday at 10:30am - I get nauseated just thinking about it... (but Tracy and Teresa are planning to come and visit me then, so that should make it easier!)

I don't know if getting rid of all of the above would have changed anything. I might get bored if things weren't crazy all the time. I'd have to make up something to get attention - like, you know, get cancer or something.

Busy, busy, busy...

I've felt so good the past two days! Yesterday we ran a bajillion errands: Got Mom and Heather new cell phones, picked up a carpet stretcher for Max, took the dog in to get 'fixed'... Got a new plecostemus (algae eater) for our aquarium (I had been searching for one that was the RIGHT size...)

Today we cleaned out the garage and took 5 boxes and a couple of bags of stuff to St. Vincent's. We took a few boxes there yesterday, too. Today's donations were some of Kyle's toys (shhhhhhh, don't tell!) I got exhausted and sweaty after a couple of hours' work.. which led to a nausea episode... which led to a tearful breakdown. I hate feeling out of control!

After a rest (sorting Kyle's toys and reading part of Stephanie Meyers' second vampire novel) I felt much better. I went out after dinner and trimmed some roses until I was caught and ordered back inside. (Without much of an immune system, I'm not supposed to garden in case I get scratched and infected....) I need to remember my cousin Carol's advice. She's a breast cancer survivor of 20 years - she told me that during her chemo she didn't get out much, just kept close to home and nurtured herself. I just have such a bad habit of wanting to do EVERYTHING. Sigh....

Max has almost finished installing the last of the carpet. Now all our bedrooms are redone. They look NICE. But, I hope that the new carpet smell is gone by next Monday (chemo #2) when I know the smell will drive me crazy! (Carrin Rhoten called me last night to offer her husband's carpet-laying skills. That was soooo nice of her! I get cards and calls so often and I love everyone's warm thoughts and prayers.)

p.s. Wore my wig yesterday. It eventually fell off... I DEFINTELY need more practice!!

Monday again

I've survived to tell about one more day. I said a SWEAR WORD in my head on Saturday about this chemo therapy stuff. It's bad news! I have a week before I have to go back in again. I'm afraid I'll be kicking and screaming all the way....

On a good note, I didn't get nauseated today until after 1:30. We went to the store even. That was fun to get out of the house. The kids are officially "out of school for the summer." Stephen leaves for basic training next Sunday... Jacob and Taija have summer school starting tomorrow. Heather works nights, so she sleeps during the day. It will just be Kyle, Mom and Me at home most of the time!

The genetic counselor called me on Friday. She told me that the tests came back and I am BRCA1 & BRCA2 negative. That is good, since it means I don't have the hereditary mutation. We both expressed surprise since I told her of two more cancers I've realized in my family... a cousin with breast cancer and my dad's colon cancer. She said that she would call me about another testing that came out last year.

More foggy weather

I think it's Saturday. So, yesterday (no, I didn't go in to work) I spent 4 hours at the cancer center. I was dehydrated and had to be given IV fluids (that takes 2 hours.) I have been given strict orders to take the anti nausea medication on schedule regardless of how I feel at the moment. (Thurs. and Friday mornings I felt okay until about 10am, so I didn't take the medications until it was too late.....)

My brother-in-law Wayne - the pharmacist - warned me ahead of time that chemo would be hard on me for two reasons: 1) I'm female. We don't do so well in the nausea department and 2) I'm Mormon. Mormons don't drink or smoke and therefore their bodies aren't accustomed to being "poisoned" and hence the nausea would be unaccustomed. ha! the joke is on me.

Really, though, this nausea is obnoxious. Smells, thoughts, pictures, situations all make it worse..... I'm sure that I will be the envy of my weight watchers companions.. I'm down several pounds. Mom is being my guardian angel - nurturing me with whatever I might be able to keep down (Sprite, spaghetti, grapes!) Stephen had an accident on Tuesday and our car has to be replaced - all the talk about "what to do" and "what kind of car do we want?" also makes me nauseated...... bleah! bleah! bleah!

The CT scan results were revealed yesterday amongst all the waiting around. They state that my lungs are great! my bones are great! My liver and spleen are great! My stomach and abdomen are great! Apparently, there are just some lymph nodes in my left armpit where the other cancerous ones were that are showing abnormal. The chemo & radiation are supposed to take care of them..... I will get another CT scan when the chemo is done.

Meanwhile, back to my fog......

...ad nauseum.....

I've been in a fog the past couple of days. Tuesday my blood sugars were non-stop HIGH. No amount of insulin helped! I changed my basal settings on my insulin pump to help cope. Carol Hansen brought us over some dinner. It was wonderful and very well-timed. Lorna Mikkelsen brought me a novel to read!

Yesterday...., I remember getting phone calls from a half-dozen people wishing me well (don't ask me who just yet, I'll have to think about it.) Other than that, I was nauseated and had to keep up on the anti-nausea medications which made me sleep... Unfortunately, I'm taking more anti-nausea medications today. It is so unpredictable!!!!! I've taken another day off from work. Only two more school days left 'til school is out.

I go in for these treatments every two weeks. Eight treatments altogether. Then, I will do radiation when that is finished. Radiation is every weekday for about 6 weeks. Tomorrow I will find out more about the elusive CT scan results.
I think that the doctors must love keeping their patients in suspense!

June 9th 1st Chemo appointment

We made it in from the blustery weather (been this way since January) to the Cancer Center at 9:00 am sharp. We had discussed being late and wondering if they'd reschedule my appointment (like 2 weeks ago), but no such luck. We arrived on time... and waited almost 25 minutes staring at the aquarium.

Mom and I were taken to my own little room. Walls were decorated with pretty quilts. A chair, IV stand and tray added furniture to the room. The focal point was a brown vinyl recliner. It was very comfortable.

Nurse Leila checked my vitals and swabbed my port site. Told me not to breathe on the site since it needs to stay sterile. I wrapped myself up in the cozy blankie Aunt Marilyn sent me (Yes! I remember to feel her hugs everytime I put it on!) Leila started up the IV and flushed me with saline solution both before and after the treatment. First into the IV was more saline (clear), next up was some Kytril - a clear solution that is an anti-nausea medicine. I'll take the pill form twice a day for several more days (as well as Emend (aprepitant) once a day and Phenergan (promethazine) every 6 hours if I still feel sick.

Next in the IV was THE CHEMO. The first drug was red. It was called Doxyrubicin, also known as Adriamycin. This IV took about 15 minutes. When it beeped, they replaced it with the Cytoxan (clear). This one took about 1/2 hour or more. I had watched a video for first time patients and then Nurse Leila talked to me about the side effects of both drugs. She told me to stay away from crowds (school??) because my white blood cells (among numerous other things) are killed off or stopped being produced during chemo.

I didn't feel very different during this time. My chest got tight during the first chemo drug, I got woozy at the end of the second one. Then I was finished. Voila! No problems. So far I have no green skin, purple fur or horns. I understand it's the 3rd day (Wednesday) that I may experience some problems. It took about 2 hours or less. I was surprised. I'd heard that it was much longer.

I go back tomorrow for a Neulasta (sp?) shot to build up my white bood count. And, my diabetes went wacky tonight. I have to keep tabs on it since it apparently goes HIGH after chemo treatment. I must finish drinking my 3 quarts of water, too. (Only 2 more to go.)

Teresa from school called and checked up on me while Mom and I were at Highland Health Food Store (we went there following my appointment.) She called again later. What an angel to be so caring! We called several people to tell them the good news. I know that all the many prayers and Max and Dad's blessing me yesterday and Dad Rickords' special prayer at the family get together made this possible!

On a scale of 1-10, I now feel like an..... 8 (headache and touch of nausea which might be from the high blood sugar. Also, hot flashes every so often. Whine..whine..whine....)

Pampering Ourselves at Spring Break

We spent a week in Utah at Spring Break (April) Tifiny treated us to this pedicure experience - my first. It was so much fun!!!!!!!

Friday the 6th of June

Tracy kept Sherry and I laughing today on the transit (city) bus. We were taking our Life Skills (handicapped) students out in the community as we do every school morning for a couple of hours. The boys were asleep for most of the journey. Tracy told us about her experiences growing up Catholic and attending Catholic school. I laughed so hard about her "confessions" that I cried! It did us good to laugh:)

We had a "graduation" party for our Life Skill's sole graduating senior today. After feeding my student his cake and ice cream, I left. Lots of tears on my part later, wondering if I'll make it back for the last week of school. I have planned to take Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday off next week. (School doesn't get out until the 16th here - due to all our "snow days.") I am wondering how the chemo will affect me... The wig shop staff indicated that patients come in looking "green" or "ashy"... Speaking of which, I need to call the wig shop because I saw their number on my caller id.

Went to nephew Jonathon's graduation tonight. He was salutatorian and gave a great speech.

Other notes: My sloshing and leaking appears to have quit. But, I am lumpy and bumpy all over. (Teresa said that she told her doctor that she looks like a road map with all her scars. I am starting to feel the same - but this is one map that feels like it's been left out and run over by a bus. Time for bed.)

p.s. Tonight after the graduation, my sister-in-law and I were discussing the benefits of losing your hair. We decided that 1) I will be "cooler" in the summer. 2) I will keep the sunscreen products in business as I cover my baldness daily. And 3) I definitely won't have to worry about getting head lice from anyone!

"In every thing give thanks" 1 Thessalonians 5:18

NOTES:

I survived the CT scan this afternoon. Mom picked me up at school and chauffered me to Kadlec. The worst part was drinking the pina colada-flavored gloop every hour leading up to the procedure. It didn't hurt to have them use my port to insert the iodine. At least now I know that it works.

Good News:

I've stopped "leaking" (I had to be on my back Sat & Sun due to that un-fun episode.)

Today I went to Weight Watchers and found that I've lost 1.6 lbs. For a total of 20.6 lbs since February. I use the "Core" plan which is just plain healthy eating - fruits, veggies, whole grains, low-fat meats.... I've eaten umpteen pounds of strawberries the last few months. Yum.

Mom bought me a beautiful nightshirt. I love it. Pink, embroidered, lacy... She always knows how to make me feel special. I LOVE having her here. Dad is fun, too. He told us last night that his father's favorite song was "That Silver Haired Daddy of Mine" by Gene Autry. We found it on the internet and listened to it a few times! I love laughing with him and discovering all these treasured nuggets.

Tifiny told me that her two-year-old Justin prays for me: "Aunt Lisa. Aunt Lisa. Aunt Lisa. Amen." Now you know why I'm doing so well!!!

Chemo is Served....

Set my first chemo appointment for next Monday (June 9th) at 9am. Can't wait. NOT! I think of the second-to-the-last Harry Potter book where Harry is feeding Dumbledore that gross potion and Dumbledore is begging him to stop. That will be me! Aaaaagh. Dr. Chenal will prescribe 3 anti-nausea medications for me before I go in. That makes it scarier! I decided not to participate in the clinical trials.

Tomorrow I have my CAT scan at 2pm. They should know the results of that next Monday.